


real emotion

by chozenone



Category: The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Flashbacks, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:53:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28935834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chozenone/pseuds/chozenone
Summary: Life goes on and so does Ponyboy. Or so he thinks.
Relationships: Ponyboy Curtis/Steve Randle, Sodapop Curtis/Steve Randle
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hey this was in my drafts for months but i decided to post this bit because i do wanna go through with the idea.

i. prologue

  
  
  


☾

  
  
  


Steve called me one night around 2AM.

Well, I should say he was probably callin’ Darry. Me and him still never really got on well before he left, and it ain’t exactly a wild idea to think Darry is up at this time. Still, I got up and answered.

“Hello?”

“Darry?”

At first I didn’t even recognize the voice. It was so hoarse and gravelly, as if he was smoking six packs a day and paid the price. Steve was never much of a weed fiend like the rest of the gang, probably from getting enough fumes workin’ on cars all day or because he was more of a booze guy, either way I was confused as hell.

“Huh? Uh no, Darry’s sleepin’ right now. Can I ask who’s callin’?”

“Kid?”

The nickname, inflection, the tone, the _sneer_ that pierced my ears through the line. That’s when I knew.

“Steve?”

“Kid, go get Darry right now.”

He basically ignored me. Steve always ignored me, but I wasn’t worried about that. I was used to it. It’s the way he said “Darry.” Steve never used Darry’s name, only a nickname like “Superman” or “Muscle Man” or something stupid like that. My heart was already beginning to pound something crazy.

“Is something wrong, Steve?”

“I said go get Darry, kid.”

I could barely hear him over the sounds of cars honking and rushing through the background. It sounded like he was on a payphone. “Steve, where are you?” I raised my voice just a little but not too much to wake Darry.

“Get the hell off the phone, and go get your brother.”

I took the phone away from my ear for a second, taking in a deep breath. Christ, I could feel my face heating up something fierce. The first time I speak to him in five months and I’m already sick of him. It’s like he never would change. But just because he didn’t doesn’t mean I did. “I can’t get Darry right now, he had a long day. Just call back tomorrow.”

Just as I was about to hang up until Steve yelled out, “I can’t!”

I put the phone back to my ear. “Huh? What the hell are you goin’ on about?”

“Kid, I am _begging_ you please go get your brother right now.”

I could feel my teeth grinding hard against each other.. “I already told you he’s sleeping, he had a long day at work, he’s tired.”

“Does that matter? Go wake him up!”

My grip on the receiver tightened. Everything I felt five months ago seemed to bubble up in my chest, rising like bile that was ready to come out. “ _What do you gotta say to him that you can’t say to me?_ ” I didn’t even realize how loud my voice was getting. “Y’know, Steve, you got a lotta damn nerve calling us up at two in the morning, ain’t like nobody ever gotta sleep!”

“Kid—“

“Thought they taught y’all manners up there, but of course some peabrained motormouth snaggletooth jackass like you can’t even just be decent for one goddamn second.”

“Ponyboy—“

“No, ‘cause it’s just like you to check in after months just to be an ass to me. I thought you’d at least be nicer since we ain’t gotta see each other but no!”

“ _Pony—_ “

“What did I ever do to you, huh? I thought we were past everything? And where the hell are you? Why are there so many cars there? Where’s Soda?”

The line went silent for a moment.

I almost thought Steve hung up on me, I really did. Christ, I wish he did, but instead I just heard a long, deep winded breath come from the other side of the line.

_“Soda’s dead.”_

My heart froze.

“What?”

“He’s gone, Pony. Got shot and died in the nursery an hour later. He’s dead.”

After that, I didn’t really pay attention to my surroundings. I couldn’t pay attention. I just heard a faint rumble of noise. I probably woke Darry up with my yelling. I just remember hearing “Ponyboy, Ponyboy…” in the far distance and feeling hands on my neck before seeing black.


	2. grand entrance

ii. grand entrance

  
  
  


☾

  
  
  


Everyone on the east side of town already knew about Soda. We were still getting flowers, and pies, and other junk. I guess I could appreciate the thought, but it was all stupid and useless to me and I’d immediately throw it in the trash once that person left. Not like a shitty lemon square was gonna bring back Soda.

I sound like an asshole, I know, but that’s just how I felt. You’d get annoyed too if people kept showing up to your door everyday with some store-bought cake from Ralph’s or a random plant they digged up from a garden reminding you about your dead brother. For a freaking month straight!

Over time, I got used to it. We had a whole room full of now-dead flowers, so when I heard the door knock one Saturday afternoon I just looked up and rolled my eyes. Great, right in the middle of making my sandwich.

When I headed from the kitchen towards the door, the person knocked again. This time it was real sturdy and heavy. I assumed it was Darry cause both of us couldn’t stand it anymore when people walk in without asking. (There’s been a couple instances of yelling involved…) So, shirtless and messy haired I just opened it thinking nothing. “Hey, Darry.”

_ “Do I look like Darry to you?” _

My heart dropped.

I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t prepared in the slightest to see him standing there with that same snaggletooth, the same dove tattoo, or those same deep black eyes standing there at our doorway again. I slammed the door in his face then immediately opened it again, trying to see if I was in some sort of dream. I knew he was real, I knew I’d see him again, but it all felt so different this time. I didn’t think it would happen so soon.

“Kid, you gonna let me in or you gonna keep staring?”

I had to look over once again. He wasn’t wearing what I thought he’d be wearing, just another greasy white shirt and a jacket tied around his waist. And not to mention the hair, it was full. It was thick. It still had those swirls. It was like looking at a time machine, but I had to compose myself. Not for him, but for me.

“Come on in.” I said, gesturing towards the living room.

He immediately walked in and I closed the door. I looked over and could tell he was familiarizing himself with our house, he wasn’t here that long ago, but I could understand why it all felt so foreign to him now.

“This place ain’t changed a bit.” Steve whistled. He looked over to me. “Except for you it seems.”

I had to fight back a smile. “You ain’t seen me that long ago, Steve.”

“Oh, right.” Steve replied. “I just think you look different is all. You started lifting weights?”

“No, but I stopped greasin’ my hair.” I said. “A lot of us stopped greasin’ our hair.”

Steve stared at me for a second then smiled. “Oh, well it looks nice.”

I decided to return the smile half-heartedly. I could tell he wanted to sit down, so I told him to and went to get him a glass of water.

“Y’know Steve, I didn’t think they were gonna let you go until a little later.” I said, opening the cabinet to get a glass. I turned the sink faucet and started filling the cup up. “I thought you would’ve come home for Thanksgiving break, or winter break probably.” When I got done and turned around, I saw he was still standing. I told him to sit again and he did this time, so I handed him the cup.

He stared at it for a second, then downed it like he hasn’t drunk in a week. After he got finished, he accompanied his smacking with a burp then put the glass down. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” I said.

We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t have anything else to say and I was too scared to turn on the TV, making it look like I didn’t give a rat’s ass about Steve, but I also kept looking at the clock wondering where the hell could Darry possibly be, it didn’t ever take him  _ this _ long to get groceries. I just kept looking around until I heard Steve suck a breath in.

“So, did y’all ever have the funeral?”

I looked at him like he was crazy, it was so out of nowhere and it stunned me too much to think about my response. “What? Don’t you think we would’ve written you and told you?”

Steve just grunted. “Okay, kid, ain’t gotta get a fuckin’ attitude.”

I instantly felt like shit, remembering who I was talking to. “Sorry.” I mumbled. “We just don’t got the money. All we could do is a vigil.” My mind goes to the vigil over by the lot close to our house. It had all these flowers and notecards and a picture of him in this fancy frame.

“Figures.” Steve hummed.

We just sat there in silence for what felt like ages until Steve just randomly up and went for the door. I ran up after him.

“Hey, where’re you going?”

Steve didn’t look at me. “Dunno. Somewhere.”

I looked around. “Um, don’t you wanna crash here? You know you’re always welcome to stay here.”

Steve just slowly turned towards me and glanced me up and down then suddenly enveloped me in some bear hug.

“Great to have you back.” He muttered in my hair.

I was shocked to say the least. Steve wasn’t the hugging type, and if he was the type then I damn sure wasn’t a usual reciprocate of it. I almost wanted to push him back and ask him what the hell he was doing, but the feeling of his hand rubbing against my bare lower back and my face being jammed in the nook of his neck just brought back all those memories. Those thoughts. Those feelings. The ones that make me feel fourteen again.

Before my face could get red, Steve pulls back and looks at me again. “See you, kid.” He waved with a grin then took off.

I just watched on the porch as he walked off in the distance, taking a left off the corner and disappearing from my eye shot.

I feel like that’s gonna be my last time seeing him for a while. I hope it’s not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! as always catch me on tumblr @ randlewrld

**Author's Note:**

> more to come soon, the next chapter is defintely gonna be longer lmao catch me on tumblr @randlewrld


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